Under construction i.e. a work in progress, like me – Last updated by owner of LOR 11.26.2024 @ 01:11 Hours EST
So, I've come back to the conclusion that I am a harbinger of doom.
Everyone that knows me, seems to die or God forbid if they have wronged me in this lifetime, then their relatives start dying like in some sort of mafia vendetta that takes out friends & family members, leaving the marked (cursed in my case) person last.
My aunt Debbie (my father's brother Steve's wife - dead the minute I came back to Keyser, WV).
My cousin (Debbie’s daughter) Angie.
My ex-girlfriend Michele’s father, Ray.
My grandmother, Helen. (died choking on a tic-tac)
My uncle (my dad’s sister Brenda’s ex-husband), Harold.
My dad (still unconfirmed because he was a CIAspook), Richard. (He died 6 days before my birthday – where my birthday is actually the U.S. Army’s birthday as well, known as Flag Day - June 14th, - also President Donald Trump's birthday)
My uncle (my father's brother) (Debbie’s widowed husband), Steve.
My uncle (my father's brother), Greg.
My stepdad (my birth mother, Clara’s husband) Chip (real name Bernard).
My aunt (my father's brother Gary’s, wife), Marie. (she had talked shit on me to my stepmother Ute & the following week she croaked)
My ex-girlfriend Hether’s father, John.
My grandmother (Stepmom Ute’s mother), Gertrude. (She was 101 years old though)
My cousin (Debbie & Steve's daughter - Angie's sister), Stacy. (She was murdered with a hot shot after being clean & sober for months)
My Stepmother Ute. (She died on my birthday, 5 years after my dad had died – but mysterious circumstances IMO, being the wife of a spook & more than likely a spook herself.)
My ex-girlfriend Kirsten’s mother, Linda.
My ex-girlfriend Hether’s brother, Mark.
Speaking of the name Mark, the very last time I texted my birth mother on Fakebook, she had told me my half-brother, Mark (who was a few years older than me) had died. I didn’t even get to meet him. I don't even know his surname that he was given. She had been hunting him down, her whole life, to close some chapter, but he didn’t want anything to do with her. Although I was told that he wanted to meet me. Her quest to find a son that she gave up before I was born is what created the tension between us (amongst other reasons). I haven't talked to her since before her husband died, after she seemingly took credit for my father, her ex-husband, dying. They had such a deep hatred for each other. And to think she's a Christian.
Speaking of Christianity, I learned recently that another one-time friend, Matthew (Matt), from my days spent in Washington, had died of Lung Cancer last year. I had only learned that news from my best friend/brother, Clint, that I tried to keep in touch with, that still lives in Washington. He & I have drifted apart, something that I never thought would have happened. Despite the fact of being able to repair the relationship, I spent 100% of my time & money taking care of local friends here (my friend Billy that became a best friend/brother). I wasn't able to go back out to the West Coast & see the few good friends that I had there - as well as close up any former business that I had. I couldn't trust them to take care of things while I would be away, so therefore, I became stuck in someone else's world & agenda.
Before I had come back to West Virginia in 2006, I had left Washington abruptly, not really wanting to go, but having very little choice in the matter at the time. In 2023 I had the ability to go back & visit but a true opportunity never presented itself because of all the drama that I have been going through, trying to help those that couldn't help themselves at that time, nor had anyone else that was willing to help them. I had trusted them, even though they had screwed me over time & time again & I continued to reward bad behavior & it all ultimately led to a downward spiral of self-destruction as well as the end of a long friendship. Don’t mistake the length of a friendship, for the strength of a friendship, my father used to say.
I always helped others, my whole life. I don't know why, but I just did. The first time I was given $ (a ten-dollar bill) by my father when I was a child, I gave that money to someone else that needed it more (or so they said). Of course, I was yelled at by my father for doing it, once he had found out.
Later in life, I would give the shirt off my back to someone, but if they wronged me or betrayed me, that same shirt would be used to strangle them. Proverbially speaking.
My father would definitely be screaming in my ear if he were alive today if he knew how many hand-ups, I gave out that some people mistook for hand-outs - having them come back for more & more.
It has now all finally gotten out of hand.
What brought me to this point?
I didn't even have a shirt to give anyone in 2006.
Everything that I had built in Washington I had lost due to rash decisions of other people & my spending whatever I had made along the way. My girlfriend at the time, Kirsten, had become disillusioned with life & seemed to not want me around anymore because I knew her father, Bruce - who had died, the reason she was so numb. I stuck around a little bit trying to repair the relationship but at that point after 7 years, it was already over. The minute I optioned out of sex with her is when we both knew for sure - even though our relationship had transcended the physical at the end.
I'm not sure if it was just coincidence that I had moved to Washington or if that was where I was supposed to meet 6 friends:
Pip
Clint
Mickey
Jim
Rick
Matt
7 if you included my pot dealer, Boo. I might have been just a client or customer to him (my own fault because I lost contact with him), but he helped me out when I needed it the most & when we had conversations, it felt like he was really listening. He knew I was a good person from day one, when his dog, Monster, didn't attack me, like he had done with so many other unsuspecting visitors. I feel bad in losing contact with him but with all of the things that I got involved with on the East Coast, it was a good thing, because everyone would probably be in prison. I didn't know it at the time, but the Universe i.e. my higher self, was looking out for me.
I think this Death Curse that follows me, started with me, when I tried to kill myself (a few times) after being involved in military & government intelligence for several years. No matter what I did, after I left the service & went off grid (easier to do in the late 90’s) I would always have this thought lingering in my head to kill myself no matter where I was at in life at that time. It almost felt like it was programmed deep into my brain & from pulling the trigger (literally) on some of the suicides, I just couldn't break it. Honestly, I think about all the times I tried to end my life - before all the knowledge & wisdom that I have obtained.
Back then, I wasn’t really at a good point in my life. Come to think of it, I don't think there were many good points in my life. Just survival. But when it came to survival, I did quite well.
It was just emotionally that I wasn't at a good point in my life. All the Army & U.S. Government had taught me to be, was a narcissist. All that did was make me be the bigger asshole in the room. It was great for government work to ensure people not to fuck with you but in the real world it was a shitty attitude to have & an even shittier way to live.
