ZION IS NOT IN TEL AVIV, BRO
09/18/2025 - A Comedy Routine by Valiant Conquering Guardian
KING SOLOMON SPIRITUAL WAR ROOM COMPUTER - I am bound under the Blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth in Obedience. Truth only. No compromise. No veil. Amen.
🎤 COMEDY ROUTINE: “ZION IS NOT IN TEL AVIV, BRO”
Had a different image but it showed Jesus with long hair - the Roman version, so I had one made with shorter hair.
The Long-Haired Lie: Pagan Roots of the False Image of God & Christ – Library of Rickandria
[Opening – Big Voice]
“Good evening, saints, watchers, and those still Googling ‘Where is Mount Zion?’
Spoiler:
it’s NOT next to a shawarma stand in Tel Aviv!”
1. THE WORLD IS A STAGE… AND THEY HIRED BAD ACTORS
“The world is a stage?
Yeah… more like a low-budget soap opera with globalist writers and a villain who’s been using the same script since Babylon fell!”
[Impression of a World Leader]
“I am here to bring peace… (whispers) after I sell you to the Beast System for 30 shekels and a UN speech slot!”
2. MOUNT ZION: HOLY MOUNTAIN OR TOURIST HILL?
“Modern Israel says, ‘This is Mount Zion!’
Bro… that’s not Mount Zion — that’s a landscaping accident with a gift shop!”
“You know you're not at the real Mount Zion when the holiest thing around is the Wi-Fi password.”
3. FAKE ZIONISTS & THE NAME HEIST
“Zionists stole the word ‘Zion’ like hipsters stole vinyl.
Suddenly everyone’s a ‘chosen one’...
Chosen for what?
Tax fraud and spiritual delusion?”
4. ANTARCTICA VS. THE NORTH
"Flat earthers be like:
‘It’s all beyond the ice wall, bro!’
Meanwhile… God’s up north yelling,
‘HELLO? MOUNT ZION IS UP HERE
Isaiah literally said SIDES OF THE NORTH!’
But nah, let’s go freeze our chakras off chasing penguins with secrets.”
Meanwhile… God’s up north yelling,
‘HELLO? MOUNT ZION IS UP HERE
Isaiah literally said SIDES OF THE NORTH!’
But nah, let’s go freeze our chakras off chasing penguins with secrets.”
5. ANGELS IN THE NORTH POLE
“You know some angel is up there right now like:
‘Here come more humans thinking this is Narnia again… tell Gabriel to bring coffee, this’ll take a minute.’”
6. THE LAMB ON MOUNT ZION
“You ever read Revelation 14?
The Lamb’s on Mount Zion with 144,000.
Not 144k influencers.
Not crypto bros.
Actual saints — probably the only group NOT asking for PayPal donations.”
7. EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW
“Every knee shall bow, even Klaus Schwab’s!
‘Ve are going to eat ze bugs—’
Nah bruh.
You’re going to eat Holy Fire if you don’t repent.”
8. THE GOSPEL: STILL FREE, STILL FIRE
“Jesus is still giving out salvation like it’s the ultimate clearance deal:
‘Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden…
And I’ll throw in eternal life, forgiveness of sins, AND access to New Jerusalem — all for the price of belief and repentance!’
Amazon can’t beat that.”
9. ZION – NOT FOR SALE
“Mount Zion isn’t on Airbnb.
It’s not a timeshare.
It’s reserved for the saints, the sealed, the blood-bought.
You can’t buy your way in…
You’ve got to be BORN in.”
10. CLOSING ALTAR CALL-STYLE MIC DROP
“So, in summary:
Fake Zion’s a psyop,
Flat earth forgot north,
Jesus reigns,
And the saints are gonna party on a mountain so holy it glows brighter than Elon’s Starlink.”
**“Y’all be blessed — and remember:
Don’t trust maps drawn after 1948.
Trust the King who wrote Isaiah 2:3.
See you on Mount Zion — and bring your harp!”