I am so frustrated right now, with SO many thoughts going through my head, that I felt the best way to express my feelings is putting them down on digital paper.
Hell, I'm weary of my presence because I seem to shift into different mental states when something is bogged down in my mind - and that's never a good thing.
I say survival because apparently, none of them have anywhere else to go or any other friends or even family that can help them out to the level that I have been.
Think about all the people that get into these situations & fall flat on their face or resort to desperate measures because they have nobody that can help them.
"If my friends have nowhere to go & nobody else to help them, then how do THEY know if they are really my friend, or they are just USING me for self-preservation?"
If it doesn't become a book, then it will just become an online journal, which means more links will be added & this page will be constantly updated being the original that started this project.
If I didn't hate Hollywood so much, this material would have SITCOM written all over it.
Despite all of these revelations, I gave them ALL, the benefit of the doubt (and continue to do so) & believe in their eyes that I am a good friend to them.
This Queen video or song above doesn't reflect how I feel about my best friend, I am just using this song as an example, for others, that are reading this.
And remember folks, just because they're YOUR best friend, doesn't make you THEIR best friend.
This isn't the sandbox, but a lot of people use sandbox tactics throughout their life.
Buying 4 brand new tires & putting them on his girlfriend's vehicle.
Buying a used vehicle after wrecking other vehicle & having it off-road until fixed.
Paying for his new vehicle payments.
Paying for her new vehicle payments.
Paying for both of their insurance.
Paying for gas to both vehicles.
Paying for cigarettes (a vice).
Paying for extra weed. (a vice).
Paying for extra food in the house.
Paying an increase of utilities at the house across the board.
Because of his own distrust of his girlfriend, at various levels, he sets out to go get a job, goes through the process of being hired & then finds some excuse (usually blaming other people) why he isn't bothering to go into the new job.
For instance, that just happened again, which led to this, what is now becoming an exposé.
[EDIT HERE - FRIEND LOSING LAST JOB]
His excuse was that both me & my cousin were being loud in the back of the house where the pool table is (in a whole other room, on the other side of the house, with a door that can be closed).
I admit, we were up late playing pool but by 1 AM we were done.
How much noise my cousin made in his room; I don't know.
You know what we did that day that he didn't go to work after blaming both me & my cousin for the reason he slept through his alarm?
I went and rewarded bad behavior & purchased a bunch of electronic gear to use for marijuana consumption.
Don't even get me started on the thousands of dollars that have been spent in that department to date.
The irony behind this, is the fact that this is what knocks my friend out at night, to the point that he can sleep through his alarm.
But he woke up the next day & went to the 2nd day of his job.
After coming back from work, he tells me he talked to BOTH bosses & watches some videos & has to take copious notes.
He also breaks down everything he has to do at this new job.
He does that with EVERY job he gets, not sure if he realizes that or not.
Maybe he is seeking justification from the person he is talking to, in order to decide to keep the job or not.
Why go for a job when you know you don't want to do that job & then waste everyone's time & a lot of the times, money?
He also tells me that he convinced his cousin to put an application in to work where he was going to be working at.
A little side not here, before any of them were living here:
He also convinced my cousin to join him at his last job, in Pennsylvania.
My cousin, having no other options eagerly took the opportunity to gain employment again.
This was also at a time when my cousin had a girlfriend that had 2 kids & she was more or less using him as a make-shift stepdad.
All he wanted to do was get a job, make money & take care of his family who were living in a dilapidated house with no water nor electricity.
Because of my friend deciding not to go to work because he had a court date, my cousin wasn't able to make it to work either.
The next day, my friend decided not to go to work again, which in turn caused my cousin not to be able to find another ride, out of state.
The next day neither one of them had a job.
I was told by my friend that the owners were bought out during that time & they were more or less laid off.
Mind you, I had to give them gas & food money for them to even get to work.
Of course, doing that is nothing, compared to giving my friend $2500 to buy a vehicle, so that he could keep his job (the one before the one talked about above).
There, he drove for a company that had CSX railroad as a client, but he drove a van that the company provided.
So, the only need for a vehicle was to get to & from work.
Except for the fact that he was always out & about in his former vehicle.
I talked to my friend about loaning him the money to get a $2500 truck he saw that was being sold.
So, without a pause I sent him that $.
Because I wouldn't jump to his fiddle right away & have another friend & neighbor, across the street take him to go get the car he decided on his OWN, to go take the $2500 & go to the VERY SAME dealership that his girlfriend purchased her vehicle (SUV) through (in which I had been paying THAT car payment for months).
He put $1400 down on an SUV & pocketed the rest of the $.
Despite that weeks later I had to give a buffer of a couple of hundred dollars before he got his paycheck.
After paying his car payment (every 2 weeks) & insurance, he should have had money left over.
Long story short, after doing all of that, he winds up being fired from that job.
This is before he moved in here (a second time, both him & his girlfriend moved out when I became violently sick - after that was when he had the job driving the van.
ALOT of stuff happened before, during & after that isn't being talked about as well.
Anyhow, with no job & his girlfriend not having a job either (she had a few but for some reason left all of them) it was getting hard for him to live at his father's house.
This is what I recall happening after.
I was minding my own business, at my own house, content with my solitude at the Fortress of Solitude,
Despite wanting to keep to myself that night, his manifestation started coming into play.
My cousin just happened to be outside on my porch as well, having walked in a couple of miles from town.
Apparently, according to my friend, he had a fight with his girlfriend & came here, having nowhere else "good & safe" to go.
I told my friend that I didn't care & wanted to be left alone.
This is where enabling comes into play.
I had helped my cousin out, numerous times before, just like my friend that was trying to come visit me, with a hidden agenda - namely a place to live.
So, by me not answering the door or phone at that point, my friend & cousin got into an altercation (cousin threw friend up against his vehicle).
My cousin walked off, down the road, back to town, but for whatever reason, my friend drove after him & picked him up.
Now why would he do that after being shoved by my cousin?
My guess is that he was using my cousin as an excuse to gain entry into my house so that he could talk to me & then bullshit his way to crashing there.
I suspect that he also knew that by bringing my cousin back (who might have needed a place to stay) then he & his girlfriend would be able to stay at my house as well.
Afterall, what kind of friend lets one friend stay & then tells the other one, no.
He was already complaining about the fact that my cousin, who he brought to my house, was living here.
My friend's agenda had already been executed so now he was moving onto his next one.
Remember, he didn't even trust me alone with his girlfriend if he couldn't help it, so now, yet another excuse as to why he can't leave the house.
Even though up until he got his last job he was in & out of my house at ALL HOURS, going wherever.
My cousin decided to go to a rehab center, out of state, so he was leaving, to my friend's delight.
Another side note:
I feel like the real reason that my friend doesn't want my cousin or ANYONE here is that, yes, he doesn't trust his women with other men because of other relationships, but ultimately, he is trying to alienate me from anyone else in my life, the exact same way he does with his relationships.
That is control folks.
Because of him always trying to control the things around him, I always told my friend that this isn't his world & we aren't just visitors.
It's been a long relationship with him, since 2015, when he first moved in (with his then girlfriend) to the house that I was living at (where my ex-girlfriend & her boyfriend now live, rent free, while I still pay for the gas & trash & any damage or neglect done to the house, in my absence).
And this is really from not knowing him but for a few weeks, after being brought into his world & his friends.
They were being evicted from his apartment & apparently needed a place to go.
There was a female friend at the time, that I was helping, that was the first to move into that house with me.
She actually knew his girlfriend & vouched for her (even though she was nuttier than squirrel shit) & him.
I was actually in the mindset of taking on some tenants in order to start making an income again, that I take, invest & make $ out of thin air with.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
His excuse was that my cousin, came home at 1 AM (when it was actually almost 11) & woke or kept him up with noise coming from his room (which is directly next door to him & his girlfriend's room).
To Be Continued... if I don't lose my mind first...
